When I was a small boy, my family got a Nintendo Entertainment System from “Santa,” but we all knew it came from crazy Uncle Frank who was doing a dime upstate. “Santa” was his street name. I know it doesn’t sound like the toughest street name, but he got it by carving Christmas trees on people’s backs with a sharpened candy cane.
Once I was familiar with the NES, I had some thoughts on how to improve the system. Game insertion was always a little annoying, and it would’ve been nice not to have to blow into every fucking cartridge. The picture I’m about to show you features a kid who had a totally different list of improvements.
I never once thought that the NES could be better if I put it in a big wooden box and had to stand up to play. But I can see how sitting down in those shorts might have caused a few embarrassing gaming sessions. And this kid is a member of the Nintendo Fun Club, so what the fuck do I know?
I like how he’s standing next to it all proud like he put in fifty man hours to construct the enclosure. Look at his spindly arms! There’s no way he could have hoisted that TV up there or hammered that plywood. I know about this stuff from experience — yesterday I audibly whimpered opening a can of tomatoes.
The worst part about this picture is not knowing if he painted that shit and tricked it out with some lights and pictures of Star Fox and Donkey Kong. And when I say “he painted” I really mean “his dad or crazy uncle who knows a variety of uses for power tools and toxic oil-based liquids.”