This news might be shocking for new Blizzard fans whose hearts have not yet blackened over from disappointment. These are the people who still haven’t realized that Diablo 3 will come out after their kids have graduated from college. What? You don’t have any kids? You’re not even married? Exactly.
I was hoping that the Starcraft 2 beta could be Blizzard’s Christmas present to me, a way for them to apologize for all the holiday release dates they missed since Warcraft: Orcs and Humans. I won’t sit here and blame Blizzard for all the problems I had as a child, but a boy can only hear “fourth quarter” so many times before he starts “upgrading” the eggnog out of frustration.
This time around, Blizzard didn’t even have the guts to break my heart in English. Starcraft 2’s leader producer Chris Sigaty broke the news at the Russian games expo IgroMir. Chris probably didn’t mean for the news to come out, but how do you lie to a room full of Russians without a safety-net of threats about nuclear holocaust? I’m sure Mr. Sigaty didn’t want to experience the sensation of being drowned to death in cold vodka.
Your hippie-ass yoga pilate moves won't scare the Russians, Chris.
Mr. Sigaty didn’t specify when in 2010 we can expect the Starcraft 2 beta so expect the Starcraft 2 beta on January 1st. Come on, people. Your angry letters can make it happen. Wait, January 1st is New Year’s day. The entire Starcraft 2 team will probably be home with their families …playing Starcraft 2 against relatives. Fine. January 2nd 2010 is the new Starcraft 2 beta release date.
I’m just fucking with you — by the time Starcraft 2 comes out, they’ll finally be able to unfreeze your head and surgically attach an infant’s body. Your win/lose ratio will be pretty bad in the beginning as you struggle to grip the mouse with your tiny sausage-fingers, but you’ll eventually get the hang of playing and pooping at the same time.
I hope you noticed that we still use mice in the future. Our robot overlords tried to reconstruct our society as best as possible.
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Holy shit, what could they possibly be doing for YEARS and YEARS after the game was admittedly playable? Not months, or one year, but YEARS. UNMOTHERSKULLFUCKINGBELIEVABLE.
Those assholes revamped the graphics at least once. How much time and energy are they going to waste on that shit before it’s done? Or, maybe they’ll just release it with graphics so dated that it will make us all think we accidentally forgot to wipe and rubbed shit all over our eyes every time we play it.
Hey Blizzard, hire some non-resident contractors, like everyone else, and GET THAT SHIT DONE.