It’s official — the future is here. This means the robots are one step closer to forcing me to sweep the floors of their micro-chip mansions. I’m going to do such a shitty job. Just wait.
Thanks to the pioneers at Jedi Mind Inc, we’ll soon be able to play Tic-Tac-Toe with our MINDS. Since humans think about sex every eight seconds, I wonder if there’s a sexual component to Jedi Mind’s Think-Tac-Toe. Maybe the two sides are called “Xs” and “OOOOOOOOOO YES RIGHT THEREs”
Unfortunately, mentally playing Tic-Tac-Toe costs a pretty penny. I did some research, and the basic Think-Tac-Toe game runs $49. For $49, I could buy another copy of Left 4 Dead 2 just encase my girlfriend ever gets that personality surgery I keep pushing for and wants to play.
But the initial forty-nine clams aren’t the only cost. I knew there would be some other hidden price because I’ve tried just thinking at my computer before and nothing happened. It turns out that players need to buy a special wireless headset to communicate with Think-Tac-Toe. This Emotiv headset sells for three hundred dollars. So, for a mere $350, gamers can finally play Tic-Tac-Toe with their minds. It’s a good thing Tic-Tac-Toe has such high replayability.
I might be overly suspicious, but I’m not very comfortable strapping some crazy wireless headset to my skull just so I can play Tic-Tac-Toe. And the description of the headset doesn’t really put me at ease:
14 saline sensors offer optimal positioning for accurate spatial resolution
What the fuck is a saline sensor? Doctors use saline on people who might die. What happens if one of the saline sensors malfunction? Can saline malfunction? Why the fuck are they using saline? I have too many questions about this thing.
Needless to say, I’m going to pass on Think-Tac-Toe for now. $350 seems a little high for something that could turn out to be the ideal device for growing brain tumors.
Who wants to buy the game and the headset and let me know about the resulting nose bleeds?
