Everyone has watched the airport scene in Modern Warfare 2, right? It does spoil a little of the plot, but you get to watch a bunch of people get shot in an airport. I won’t say more about the scene until after the jump because I never appreciate when someone spoils something for me. I still remember how mad I was when the Internet spoiled the Harry Potter books. I don’t know if I was more mad about the books getting spoiled or more mad that I was that invested in the life of Harry Potter.
Some of you are saying “what the hell is the connection between Harry Potter and Modern Warfare?” There isn’t any connection. Things don’t always have to connect. It was just an example. This blog isn’t a John Grisham novel. Actually, those Harry Potter books did sell like eight trillion copies or something, and that’s about how many copies Modern Warfare 2 is about to sell. So I guess they are connected. Wipe that smug smile off your face. Smiles cause cancer.
I can’t believe I spent a paragraph talking about how Harry Potter connects to Modern Warfare 2 just so I wouldn’t spoil the game for the three gamers who haven’t watched that airport video. That shows my dedication to you, reader. I’d give you all hugs instead, but your dirty asses are probably dripping with swine flu.
Speaking of asses, let’s get back to Germany. Even after we called Germany on that whole holocaust thing, they still won’t do American things like eat ketchup and not fuck up the content of violent video games. In the controversial airport scene from Modern Warfare 2, you play an undercover CIA operative forced to participate in a terrorist attack on an airport. During the attack, you can choose to shoot civilians like the rest of your crazy terrorist companions, or you can choose to just run around not firing your badass machine gun like some kind of pussy.
Usually, when a country deems a scene like this inappropriate, it gets removed from the game or the civilians get replaced by Hobbits or the player’s gun is swapped with a bee’s nest that shoots Honey Comb cereal. Censorship like that sucks, but countries are legally able to block content that they think is inappropriate for their population.
I don’t believe in censorship. I believe in a tough rating system that keeps violent games out of the hands of children unless those children demonstrate that they are awesome enough to appreciate mature video games. But I accept that some countries suck and feel the need to withhold fun from functioning adults.
This situation with Germany is special. Instead of removing the scene from the game, or taking out the civilians, or turning the bullets into song birds, Germany has decided to tell the gamer how to play the airport scene. The scene plays like normal with your emotionally-stunted group of crazies shooting up the airport, but if you decide to fire at the civilians, the game gives you a game over screen and you have to play the scene all over again.
The fuck? Are you trying to make this game suck more than something like Revolution X, Germany? Is Aerosmith really big over there? Steven Tyler told me your country smells like shit rubbed on a trout. But, to be fair, Stephen Tyler doesn’t really hang out around the tourist sites.
I accept when countries block content, but who is the German government to try and turn Modern Warfare 2 into some kind of contrived teaching program. I can’t think of a more insulting video game experience. Germany is telling their citizens that not only are they not mature enough to handle the content in the Modern Warfare 2 airport scene, but that they also need a refresher course on the difference between right and wrong.
I guess this is more economical than sending government representatives to everyone’s house and then paying them to stand behind players to scold them everytime they do something “wrong” in a video game:
“Nein, nein, nein, Franz! Das question box was Marco’s.”
“*sigh* How many times must we go over this, Fritz? The medic needs the health pack.”
“That’s wrong. Don’t do that. Good. … … …. THAT’S WRONG.”
I’ve said a lot of bad stuff about Infinity Ward because they deserve it, but the airport scene is in Modern Warfare 2 to advance the plot and tell a story. Instead of letting players experience this story and perhaps learning something a little deeper than “shooting people is bad,” Germany is writing their own shitty version and then making everyone stand around and listen to a live reading.
If you live in Germany, I’m sorry that your government thinks you should go back to playing with blocks.
