People who know me know that I have always supported baby killing in video games. I was pretty upset when you couldn’t knock babies out of their mothers’ arms in GTA 4 or load up a baby with a bunch of explosive charges and then trick a cop into picking it up. I can’t do that stuff in real life, so where am I supposed to turn?
Dante’s Inferno answers my call with some genuine, good to God, baby butchering. There’s even an achievement for it — “Bad Nanny.” Implying that a good nanny is supposed to keep children alive. I’ll have to remember to edit my resume.
But yeah, baby killing in video games is something …. Wait a second. What is this bullshit?
The “Bad Nanny” Achievement will be rewarded to the player whom slaughters a yet undetermined number of unbaptized infants.
Unbaptized infants? Muslim babies? That seems a little racist. Wait, there’s more:
And to be fair, the little ones do have knives for arms.
Well, fuck that. Who wouldn’t kill a Muslim baby with knives for arms? What do you think we’re doing in Afghanistan? Ok, maybe the knives are just used for …uh … .. harvesting corn? Do knife arms come in handy during breast feedings? I know some ladies refuse to have their nipples suckled for obscene periods of time. The babies could use the knives to give a little incentive.
Whatever. My dreams are crushed.
