This week, I was planning on buying some food that contains iron, but that was before Blizzard unleashed overpriced digital content. I don’t want to buy it. I don’t want it. I don’t need it. But at this point, I’m really past making choices with the tiny part of my brain that tries to trick me into opening the blinds. If someone at Blizzard could just email me and tell me that this digital content contains iron, it’d help smother that tiny part of my brain. I don’t care if it’s a lie. Lies are great propaganda. Ask Glenn Beck.
Speaking of lies, I no longer play World of Warcraft. I broke that habit when I realized that I no longer knew what girls smelled like. However, if I still did play World of Warcraft, these in-game pets would sure be tempting.
I have several real pets in the real world, but they can’t returns bows like the new World of Warcraft Pandaren Monk pet or freeze critters and laugh at people I ruin like the World of Warcraft Lil’ K.T. pet. All my pets do is help transform my money into pet food and, since they require walks, help keep the blood in my legs from clotting. I guess that blood clotting thing is pretty important. I won’t insult your intelligence by claiming that I could do that one on my own.
What a fucking show-off.
The two pets have no practical purpose. They just look cute, follow you around, and remind you how you spent ten dollars on something that has no affect on gameplay. Blizzard also lets players gift the pets to each other. This was a smart move on Blizzard’s part. They must know how lame it is trying to court a sexy female Tauren with pre-wrapped gifts (that don’t even cost real money!) through the in-game mail system. I think Blizzard has finally found a way to capitalize on the feelings of love someone playing World of Warcraft can experience when his mind is disoriented from lack of iron.
Shake that shit, Lil' K.T.
I hope this Lil’ K.T. pet isn’t an attempt to reach out to the hip hop community. It is wearing a hell of a lot of bling. I wonder who at Blizzard made the final call, removing both Lil’ K.T.’ s sunglasses and microphone.
The most interesting thing about these two in-game pets is that even though they both cost ten dollars, only the purchase of the Pandaren Monk Pet helps a charity. If you decide to buy the monk, half of your ten dollars goes to the Make-A-Wish foundation. But if you decide to buy Lil’ K.T., he sends a nigga home in a body bag. Just kidding. If you decided to buy Lil’ K.T., all of your ten dollars goes directly to Blizzard.
Blizzard’s justification for this is that the Pandaren Monk pet is a compassionate soul who would support a charitable donation. We’re left to assume that money doesn’t go to Make-A-Wish when you buy Lil’ K.T. because he’s a fucking bastard who wouldn’t mind selling drugs in front of a YMCA.
Great job immersing people in the WORLD of Warcraft, Blizzard. I’m sure all those kids being helped by the Make-A-Wish foundation would much rather you stay loyal to your fantastical world than help grant some of their dying wishes. I mean, most of their wishes probably have to do with game developers sticking to their game’s cannon anyway.
