Rockstar games, in their continued attempt to prove that they are the most badass video game creation organization in the world, is holding a contest that involves mustaches and video games. Some people might see this as Rockstar’s continued attempt to prove that they are the gayest organization in the world. But this opinion usually comes from people who are jealous because they either can’t grow a mustache or the pathetic mustache they can grow has the personality of Elmo’s pubic hair.
Mustaches are badass regardless of sexual orientation. I’m talking about the sexual orientation of the person wearing the mustache, of course. If you think your mustache has its own sexual orientation, I recommend shaving it off before it makes your mouth do something the rest of your body could regret.
Rockstar is working on their new game Red Dead Redemption, a game that’s probably flush (flush I say!) with thick, testosterone dripping mustaches. Next month also happens to be Movember. Movember is the month of November for people who decide to grow manly mustaches to help fight prostate cancer. The contest involves growing a mustache for Movember and then submitting pictures of your finished stache to Rockstar who will then pick one winner to appear as a character in Red Dead Redemption.
I don’t know how many reasons people need to grow a mustache, but this Rockstar contest looks like a no-brainer to me. What’s the worst that could happen? You end up with two girlfriends, one for each side of your mustache? I’d enter myself, but I already wasted this quarter’s allotment of testosterone by growing out and subsequently feathering my knuckle hair.
Individuals interested in the contest should check out the official rules here. And everyone should check out the Movember website because it’s manlier than one of Gregory Peck’s armpits. Yes, Gregory Peck. That shit wasn’t a typo.
